I looked at some of the strange birds diving into the water for fish, a few almost naked fishermen throwing their nets out from their wooden boats drifting in the current. The scent of flowers surrounded me, the beauty of colorful orchids just a few feet from me. This was absolutely breathtaking...it was a Friday morning and no one was here but a few people washing their clothes, some children playing near the water. I closed my eyes and just sat their in a sense of awe...thinking about the water flowing by me, the places it had been, ground it had covered, objects it had carried, plants it had nourished, and the haven for fish it had been and now was.

My life, all of life was just like that, our human existence resembles a river. We are born and from that moment forth we flow toward our destiny, and between this beginning and end we touch many things, tasks, joys, pains, relationships, people all becoming part of that river that is us.

As I sat there I thought about the times I had tried to fight this flowing river called the life of Jon.  I had tried to go back upstream, rowing fiercely, only to wear myself out. At other times I had seen myself as a tiny walnut shell half, floating this river and trying to stay afloat, only to be swamped over by swift currents and waterfalls. Only in recent years had I learned the secret of moving with the flow of the water, not afraid of the destiny, even though I did not know what the future held, but I did know who held the future.

I like the timid swimmer at the edge of the water had dipped my toes in and then withdrawn seeing it as too cold, or I had gone into the river up to my knees, or waist but still able to walk, still in control or so it seemed. Then came the time where my river was dammed up, no more flow, life had erected barriers, there were losses, pain, agony, dark night of the soul...I found myself standing upon a high dam looking down.....seeing the river continue its journey, I had to make a choice, a choice for life, it was either stay here and be safe, which I knew was only a mirage or dive in, jump and enter this river called Jon's life.

Jump I did and I am glad I did. I felt my body break the water, I felt myself in it fully, and fear was gone, the power of the river carried me, no longer did I see it as an enemy to be fought, but as friend to be immersed in.

Years later, not only did the river carry me safely so far, it also washed away a lot of things that were stuck on me such as painful memories of my past, losses that seemed too great. The currents were taking me to places of new joy, of peace, of rest, of effortless living without the striving that had been so much of my life. I was moving toward my destiny and in between I would visit many places, meet many people, be enriched and daily given new power by this river, power to live, power to deal with life on life's terms, living in the now, not in the past, not in tomorrow but right now, alive in this river called Jon's life.

I had also discovered something else in recent years. Not only was I immersed in this river of life, there was a river flowing out of me. The divine power within me, released, refreshing my soul and spirit, releasing the energy, the power that was there. I sensed that this river in me was not flowing toward a destiny called physical death, but life unto life eternal. This River had always been there, I had not been aware of it, this river would always be there, flowing, bringing life, energy, renewal, inner strength, resiliency, healing of heart and soul. It was a flow that would take me into the next life and beyond, a river that was greater than Jon who would live so many years and die, this river was my living soul, that would run forever and ever.

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Last updated: 06 May 2008

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